Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
