Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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