just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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