Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
