Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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