ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
