She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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