someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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