I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
