Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
