I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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