There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
