Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
