While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
