why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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