Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
