Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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