I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
