god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
