She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
