We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
