i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
