There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
