I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
