woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
