walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
