She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
