I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
