the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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