pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
