And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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