i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
