Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
