Im at strip club and am horny
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
