I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
