Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
