Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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