NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
