OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
