At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
