he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
