I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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