be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he thought i was a dude.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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