Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
