Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
