D3 body, D1 cock
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
