the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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