dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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