i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
