Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
