Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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