its not stalking. its research.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
