It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
