He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
