Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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