so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
