My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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